黄君李

    如果你对于先人后己地满足他人需求总有强迫感，很难想象会有什么不同。取悦讨好并不只是你做的事情，而很大程度上是你认为你是什么样的人。
    在一些工作中，即时的反应是与领域相关联的，就像消防员。在另外一些工作领域里，能迅速做出回应也无疑是更加合宜的，就像客服代表或公关人员。但在许多其他的工作场合下，这种反应周期就会导致对重大活动的忽视。要么这些活动根本没发生，要么就是你没有在深夜和周末骨气最后一滴能量做你“真实”的工作。
    我真切的意识到这种挣扎，因为作为定期的培训教育公司的所有者，我曾在六个不同的大洲的客户一起工作，他们来到我身边感觉像是他们那些环境里的受害者。这就导致了他们抵制去做那些会让他们有一个更理性的工作生活的活动，比如为重要活动规划时间，因为“总有人会打乱我的工作表”。
    要是这听起来跟你挺像，在你能够从时间管理习惯方面有所进步之前，你要意识到，你不必再你的时间表上如此容易受攻击。你可以保留适当的界线。
    但首先，几个忠告：
    想要取悦他人并不是一种本质上的负面品质。如果为他人服务并得到肯定就能让你觉得开心，那并不是说你是个坏人，或者是有缺陷和不足的人。（我知道因为我就是那样的人！）只不过，要是你觉得总帮别人让你有强迫感--即便代价远高过你的付出--你也要使自己对别人的需求不再那么敏感，要更多的关心自己，这样，你就能维持生理和心理的平衡。
    说起平衡，如果你对他人无益，总是固步自封，从不想踏出一步亲近他人，那这篇文章就不适合你。其实团队协作是件好事，去帮助他人，即使得到没有付出多。下面我所罗列出的适合那些独来独往的工作狂们，他们感到精疲力竭，愤世嫉俗，挫败失意，因为在他们自己的目标上一无进展。
    如果你准备好开始投入你的时间，而不是让别人替你话费心思，我列出了三种常见的情节可以解除你的取悦他人取向，以及你可以如何思考和表现得有所不同。
    情节1：不现实的标准
    许多管理者对他们总是深陷众多会议中感到自责，因此他们就培养“如果我身在办公室里而不保证门总是开着的我就是一个不合格的管理者”这种心态。但这就可导致在两个会议档口的每分钟总是有人路过他们的门口以期得到注意。于是，他们自己所有的工作都要在晚上和周末来做，这就导致了另一种自责循环，他们会觉得自己是个不合格的配偶，父母，或者朋友。如果这听起来跟你很像，那么，避免方法就是改变你对于一个合格管理者的标准。这就能使你自由设置更好的界线，然后在工作时间完成更多的工作。比方说，你的理念可以是“成为一个合格管理者的一部分就是证明集中高优先级工作的的重要性。当我需要做好什么事情而无需感到愧疚时候我可以适当地每周关几次办公室的门。”
    类似这种情况，关于某人在担当某种职责时候应该或不该做的事，你都设定了严格的规定；但事实上，这些规定都是可以商榷的。通过改变你那些标准，衡量着一个好朋友，一位重要人物，一个合格员工，或是优秀的委员会成员的标准，你可以留有更好的界限而不必感到愧疚。
    你也并不总是需要解释为什么你设置那些界限。你可以简单地说句“我得走了”或者“非常抱歉，可现在我不能来帮你，要不把你的要求写在邮件里发给我吧”。
    情节2：男女通用“好的！”
    如果你是个精力充沛，乐于助人的人，你的取向就是总对任何要求都回复为“当然，我可以做。”或者，当你正在开会，有人寻求志愿帮助，你就总是会举手。甚至是没人寻求帮助的时候--但你知道他们需要--你也会主动提供协助。究其内因以其本身而言，这种强烈的主动帮忙行为并不是不好。但如果这个态度意味着你完全的超负荷工作并且没有集中于你的最高优先级任务，你就没办法保有真正应该受你的所有权影响的承诺。一种能让你拜托这种不去承担太多任务的方法就是问自己这样的问题“实际上我是不是还有多余的时间花费在这样的行动上？”如果回答是肯定的，那么承担起这个工作就无可厚非。如果是否定答案---而且，你也不准备放开手头上正在占用你时间的事情---你就要避免再给人提供帮助。
    许多情况下，其实还有其他人可以上前帮助，要记住，总会有其他机会的。总会有更多的事情，更多的回忆，更多的文章，甚至是更多的危机要处理---更多的所有事情。如果你不腾出时间给耐久优先级的事情，像睡眠，休息，或者是和重要的人相处的时间，你就会错过真正重要的事情。
    情节3：“我自己就可以”
    在我的经历中，特别勤奋努力的人总是趋向于不太会委托他人。一旦他们从正在做事的状态离开这种挑战就更加鲜明，比如领导角色的顾问，比如部门领导。比起把这个责任或者任务交给适合的人去完成，你却会这样告诉自己“就是几分钟的事，我能比别人做的更好更快”。这些想法肯定在你可能有这个能力去执行某任务的情况下是不争的事实，但是，如果你是日理万机的领导，那你就没有多余的时间了。每个礼拜，你仅有一点宝贵的时间让你能全身心投入到仅有你自己能做的事上。对于任何一个项目，或大或小，你首先要问的问题是，“有没有别人能为我做好这件事呢？”，如果有，那就派给他。
你做事越有条理，在派给他人工作的时候就也不会给人带来不便。即使让别人投入到这个工作做的不太理想也没关系，不然你还会在那种压力下得不到伸展。如果你花费所有的工作时间在类似亲自维修计算机而不求助专业计算机人员，亲自开会而不是把事情交给你的助手，亲自调研整理宣传稿而不派给项目专家，你就会浪费对你的组织独特的战略性的领导力。

Stop Being a People-Pleaser(广西翻译公司）

If you''ve always felt a compulsion to meet everyone else''s needs before your own, it''s hard to imagine being different. People-pleasing is not only what you do, but a strong part of who you believe you are.
In some jobs, immediate responsiveness comes with the territory (just think of fire fighters). In others a quick reply is preferable, such as with customer service reps or publicists. But in many other work situations, this cycle of responsiveness leads to neglect of the most important activities. Either they don''t happen at all, or you end up filling your nights and weekends doing your "real" work with the last fumes of energy you can summon.
I''m intimately aware of this struggle because as the owner of a time coaching and training company, I''ve worked with clients on six different continents who come to me feeling like victims of their circumstances. This leads them to resist doing the activities that could let them have a more sane work life, such as blocking out time for key activities, because "someone will just mess up my schedule anyway."
If this sounds like you, before you can move forward in your time management habits, you need to realize you don''t have to be so vulnerable to these attacks on your schedule. You can maintain appropriate boundaries.
But first, a few caveats:
Wanting to make people happy is not an intrinsically negative quality. You are not a bad or flawed or inadequate person if serving others and receiving affirmation just fills you with joy. (I know because I''m one of those people!) It''s just that if you feel compelled to always help people — even at the expense of other higher priorities — you need to condition yourself to be less sensitive to other people''s needs and more aware of your own so you can stay in balance.
Speaking of balance, if you''re never helpful, always insistent on having your way, never wanting to go the extra mile, this article doesn''t apply to you either. It''s good to work as a team, to help others, and to give as much or more than you take. What I outline below applies to those who work themselves like crazy and are feeling exhausted, resentful, and frustrated because they''re not making headway on their own goals.
If you''re ready to start investing your time, instead of letting other people spend it for you, I''ve outlined three common scenarios that can trigger your people-pleaser tendencies and how you can think and act differently:
Many managers feel guilty about the fact that they''re in so many meetings so they develop the mindset that "I''m a bad manager if I don''t always keep my door open when I''m in my office." But this can lead to every spare minute between appointments being filled by people walking through their door eager for attention. In turn, all of their own work needs to happen in the evenings and weekends, which then leads to a cycle of guilt about being a bad spouse, parent, or friend. If this sounds like you, the escape route is to change your standards for what it means to be a good manager. This then frees you to set better boundaries and get more work done at work. For instance your mindset could be: "Part of being a good manager is demonstrating the importance of focusing on high priority work. I can keep my door closed during certain times of the week when I need to get things done without guilt."
In instances like this, you''ve set up strict rules about what someone in a role should or shouldn''t do; but in fact, these rules are negotiable. By changing your standards for what it means to be a good friend, significant other, employee, or committee member, you can keep better boundaries without feeling guilty.
You don''t always need to explain why you''re setting those boundaries, either. You can simply say, "I have to go, " or "I''m so sorry but I can''t come help you at this moment, please send me an e-mail with your request."
The "Yes!" Man or Woman Scenario
If you''re an energetic, service-oriented person, your tendency is to always respond to any request by saying, "Sure, I can do that." Or when you''re sitting in a meeting and someone asks for volunteers to help, you always raise your hand. Or even when no one asks for help — but you know they need it — you offer to assist. In and of itself, a strong desire to take action isn''t bad. But if this attitude means that you''re completely overloaded with work and unfocused on your top priorities, you are failing to keep the commitments that truly should fall under your ownership. A way you can retrain yourself to not take on too much is to ask the question: "Do I actually have excess time to spend on this activity?" If yes, then it''s fine to take it on. If not — and you''re not prepared to let go of something that currently occupies your time — you need to refrain from offering your services.
In many instances, there are other people who can step up. If you can''t resist the urge to jump in, disconnect yourself when you''re off hours so that you''re not even aware of every crisis.
Even if it seems like a can''t-miss opportunity, remember that there will always be other chances. There will always be more events, more conferences, more articles, even more crises to solve — more of everything. If you don''t make time for what''s an enduring priority for you, such as sleep, rest, or time with important people, you''ll miss out on what truly matters.
The "I''ll Just Do It Myself" Scenario
In my experience, highly intelligent, hardworking people tend to struggle with letting go of control through delegation. This challenge seems most acute when they go from a "doing" role such as a consultant to a "leading" role such as a department head. Instead of passing off responsibilities to the appropriate parties, you tell yourself, "It will just take a minute. I can get this done better and faster than anyone else." These thoughts do have some truth to them in that you may have the ability to execute on some activities very well. But if you''re like most business leaders, you don''t have the minutes to spare. In a typical week, you''ll have just a few precious work hours you can devote to doing the activities that only you can do. The first question you should ask with any item — big or small — is: "Could someone else do this for me?" If so, delegate it.
The more organized you get, the better you''ll be able to delegate without "inconveniencing" others. But it''s also OK to ask others to pitch in even when it''s not ideal — so that you don''t end up buckling under the pressure. If you spend all your work time on activities like fixing computer problems, instead of e-mailing IT, setting up meetings, instead of handing that off to your assistant, and researching and putting together presentations, instead of delegating them to the subject matter experts, you will miss out on leveraging the power of the unique, strategic leadership you can offer to your organization.

百洋红

支持一下吧，确实是不错的贴子。